Wednesday, April 2, 2008

If genies were still around, we'd have conference talks advising against them


You're supposed to have great ideas come to you in the shower. Here's mine from tonight...

I won't go through my entire train of thought (it would be long and bizarre), but I was thinking about if I had a genie and 3 wishes, what would I wish for? A few things came to mind: money (or at least financial security), health, and super-human powers. But then I realized that if a genie made me wealthy I probably wouldn't be able to pay tithing on it since I didn't really do anything myself to earn it, and I don't think I could justify the genie as an investment.

As for the health, I think being disabled by chronic fatigue has really humbled and made me happier for the things I can still do. If the genie by-passed that I would probably be superficial and catty with 10 pairs of uggs in my closet and really, really, bad blond extensions.

The super-powers would just be cool, but really, this isn't a cosmic-genie, more like a household one.

Speaking of household genies, (which is what I decided they were since this is my mind) there-in lies the problem. They aren't super-power genies that can conquer nations, but rather can only help individuals in their personal ambitions that don't directly affect the agency of others. So of course good members of the church get a hold of one and think 'hey, this is a fast fix to the top!' only to find out that they don't know anything once they get there because they skipped the whole journey thing....

This would lead to general conference talks addressing the fact that none of us can find a quick-fix to success and we should avoid such pitfalls. A few years later, a general authority would specifically mention that we should avoid genies, witches and sprites and there would be much debate on if this is actual doctrine or up to the individual since only witches are mentioned in the scriptures specifically. A few years later the church would publish in the Bishop's handbook the need to council members away from any non-human creatures found in Fairy Tales, the Arabian Nights or folk-lore. Soon after this you'll have a flood of Ensign stories about women who promised their first-born children to trolls or other creatures in return for eternal beauty or losing their pregnancy weight, only to realize that it wasn't such a good trade after all. The only way to break their hold is to find a funny name in the scriptures and say it to them.

After all the Disney movies and bed-time stories you think we'd learn, but we're just so stubborn....

4 comments:

Mrs. Darling said...

L, Dearie, I think that there are some very important points that are false in your diatribe above and I feel the need to call you to repentance. First, the scriptures require that you pay 1/10th of your increase. Just because you didn't earn it doesn't mean you don't tithe on it. Do you think that if you break into someone's house, steal their stuff & pawn it for cash you don't have to pay tithing on it? I don't think that the scriptures make such a distinction. In fact, I think you are trying to figure out a way to avoid paying tithing on all the money that is falling into your lap. Lastly, I think it is important to point out that if you got healthy and had ten pairs of uggs, it would be VERY important that you tithe on these as well. As for the hair extensions, the superficiality, and the catiness, well, a small price to pay, I say, for having a household genie at all. Lastly, I feel it important to point out that The Church has been very clear over the last (almost) two centuries about its neutrality on the subject on non-human sentient life. With the exception of the church sanctioned movie "Beauty & the Beast: A Latter Day Tale" which clearly states that dogs stand at the judgement bar (apparently with our bishop), The Church has never dictated what our interactions with genies, sprites, fairy godmothers, trolls goblins etc. I therefore infer that we are to make our own decisions. Lastly, no where in the scriptures does it state NOT to give your firstborn in exchange for lost pregnancy weight, so I think that that particular topic needs to be left up to the individual and no one should pass judgement on the mother regardless of her choice.

jo said...

why can't i be more like you.... you're blog is grand.

The Former 786 said...

That last picture. . .disturbed me. . . . .

Trolls are scary. . . :(

Tiff said...

I could spend HOURS clicking on the ridiculous link/pictures you have in your blog.

H.O.U.R.S!