Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Gender of my Cutlery

OK so I haven't posted in forever and the reason why is....ummm....well....I just didn't feel like it.....I have no other excuse. Not that I need one since my blog readership is mostly people I Facebook with on a weekly basis anyway, but...umm...Hey look! A post!:

OK so there are certain things that are male and female. I am female. My husband is male. We know this because I am reminded of my gender every month while my husband has no such reminders-therefore he is male. Moving on to a little more advanced analysis-my family's dog is female. We know this because she never humps anyone's leg, therefore she is NOT male, and is, by process of elimination-female. I have yet to find a neuter dog-maybe in Germany.

Now we move into the abstract. Even numbers are female and odd numbers are male. This isn't a recent analysis. I've always know this since I was a child. Perhaps it was some subtle comment in my mind on male and female anatomy, but I've always known that evens are girls. OK, 7 is slightly effeminate, I'll give you that, and 77 might be female. Maybe had a gender change, I don't know, but 777 is definitely male and a masochist because he's overcompensating for 77's lack of excessive masculinity. That's just the way it is.

Now onto the non-living physical realm-my cutlery. I am torn. Spoons are definitely female and knives are definitely male, but forks? I can't make up my mind. Sometimes I think they're a spunky punk-@$$ male, but other times I think they're a sophisticated, sleek female that could run Wall-Street. And as far as sporks... they're just confused.