Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Gender of my Cutlery

OK so I haven't posted in forever and the reason why is....ummm....well....I just didn't feel like it.....I have no other excuse. Not that I need one since my blog readership is mostly people I Facebook with on a weekly basis anyway, but...umm...Hey look! A post!:

OK so there are certain things that are male and female. I am female. My husband is male. We know this because I am reminded of my gender every month while my husband has no such reminders-therefore he is male. Moving on to a little more advanced analysis-my family's dog is female. We know this because she never humps anyone's leg, therefore she is NOT male, and is, by process of elimination-female. I have yet to find a neuter dog-maybe in Germany.

Now we move into the abstract. Even numbers are female and odd numbers are male. This isn't a recent analysis. I've always know this since I was a child. Perhaps it was some subtle comment in my mind on male and female anatomy, but I've always known that evens are girls. OK, 7 is slightly effeminate, I'll give you that, and 77 might be female. Maybe had a gender change, I don't know, but 777 is definitely male and a masochist because he's overcompensating for 77's lack of excessive masculinity. That's just the way it is.

Now onto the non-living physical realm-my cutlery. I am torn. Spoons are definitely female and knives are definitely male, but forks? I can't make up my mind. Sometimes I think they're a spunky punk-@$$ male, but other times I think they're a sophisticated, sleek female that could run Wall-Street. And as far as sporks... they're just confused.

13 comments:

The Boob Nazi said...

We're not friends on facebook! How dare you!

Kristina P. said...

Maybe forks are transgendered?

And we aren't friends on Facebook either. :(

Lobbie said...

And now I have alienated half of my blog readership....

The Boob Nazi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jo said...

You are on Facebook? And we aren't friends?? Who cares about gender in light of this slight? Rhyming no less!

the letter Bee said...

Hahaha, so glad to see you're back!

Sporks are curious, aren't they? I think, since they only come in plastic form, they are the sexually ambiguous white trash of the cutlery world.

Sarah said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffIo2VAi_qg&feature=PlayList&p=E2B097F0F49E332C&index=0

If you haven't discovered this yet, you really need to. :)

Alison Wonderland said...

I love the number thing. I did that too but I've never known anyone else who did.
And sorry but I'm going male on the forks.

Shauna said...

I hope you come to lunch this Saturday I would l♥ve to meet you in person! ♥ Hugs :)

Miss Molly said...

Love you, miss you, don't know why I don't have your blog linked to mine, still can't believe you came to see me in Peter Pan, and even more so...that you came to Lucy's funeral.

I love you

Kristina P. said...

So, have you just abandoned blogging completely? Boooooo.

Anonymous said...

You know in math there are rational and irrational numbers. My Calc teacher always referred to these as male and female.

Anonymous said...

I've seen female dogs hump legs and mount other dogs. Although they were neutered. So that's really weird. :O