I'm scared. I know every apartment has its share of insects and such, but lately the bugs have been weird! Last week there was one on the floor that was flat-bodied and had lots of legs that looked a little like those old-school automatic car-wash drapes that would cover your car. It also had some scary-looking tentacles and was a pale color. And it was fast. Fast, weird bugs terrify me. Snakes, no. Bugs, yes.
Then today there was a depressed fly and a demon-bug from Hell. As I was reading everyone's sex secrets on Kristina's blog, a fly fell on me. It didn't buzz around manically as flies do, or even seem to care when I shooed it off. It lazily took a spot on the chair and just waited. I swear it wanted me to kill it. It didn't flinch when I waved my hands around it. I think the fly was depressed that the food selection in our house is mostly in wrapper-form and thought its life was not worth living. I was almost somber as I grabbed some toilet paper to smash it in.
But the worst was tonight. I had to run to the bathroom and I noticed a bug in the corner. I thought it was an earwig or centipede (both gross!) But as I pushed it out of the corner with some TP, it revealed itself to be THE DEMON-BUG FROM THE 9TH CIRCLE OF HELL!
Wait...then it would be an ice-bug. I think it was more like an inner-ring of the 7th circle bug.
But anyway, this thing was like a cross between an earwig, a cockroach, and a centipede with a crab-like pincher on its tail-end. IT WAS EEEEEEEVIL! So I tried to smash it with a wad of TP, (since if I touched it, it would trap me in a vortex of evil with 1,000s of its brothers and sisters) but it was in a corner, so very hard to do. I pushed as hard as I could and hopefully I killed it. There's still a wad of bunched-up toilet paper against the wall. I'm afraid to go in there. It might brush against my foot and give me Eboli.
After looking some things up, Google would have me believe that I only had an earwig in my bathroom, but I know a DEMON-BUG FROM THE INNER-RING OF THE 7TH-CIRCLE OF HELL when I see one.