Twilight...wow...really? I'm posting about this?

PART I
OK so everyone else is posting about Twilight and I decided it was time that I had to do something and let the world know what I thought! Since my thoughts are so many, I must divide these posts. This post I will talk about the first book since it doesn't get me quite as angry as talking about "New Moon." So, here goes....

First off, the book was kind of boring until the last 1/5 when stuff actually happened. I was getting bored of Bella trying to find another way to describe Edward's beauty for the 300th time. I think stuff started to happen because Stephanie Meyer ran out of 1-2 syllable words in the thesaurus and decided to make a plot.

Second, there were two things Stephanie wrote about her main characters that never made sense. (1) Bella is really unique. We know this because Bella repeatedly says she is unique and different, and to be crazy-different all you have to do is read Jane Austen and listen to Debussy. (This was even before the vampire stuff.) By this definition I must have been an alien in High School because I listened to Rachmaninoff and read books.
OK, (2) Edward supposedly talks like he's from the turn of the century...again, because Bella says so even though HE NEVER SAYS ANYTHING THAT SOUNDS LIKE HE'S FROM 1918!!! Apparently Stephanie Meyer didn't want to actually research what people talked like in the early 1900's, so she just tells us he talks like this without having to go through the arduous task of writing it.

Third, Bella is a WUSS who takes love for infatuation. I'm sorry, but if people got married and stayed as obsessed about each other as Bella and Edward are, nothing would get done! You'll be too busy "smoldering" each other to remember to take out the garbage and feed the kids (especially if you're having vampire-sex all night long as they apparently do for 32 chapters in the last book.)

And fourth leads us to my biggest problem with New Moon, but is manifest in Twilight enough. It's that Edward is supposed to be perfect with a hint of "danger" AKA "bad boy," but in real life anyone who acts like he does is usually a narcissistic womanizer. I'm serious, when a guy has as much charm and good looks as Edward supposedly does, he's not going to be unaware of it and 95% of the time he's going to use it to get what he wants-and that often means manipulating women. And no, you won't be "the one" to change him.

OK, enough for now. Coming up at some point: Why the movie was better than the book and Jacob vs. Edward AKA a real man vs. an emo punk.

Thanksgiving cake

I'm not home now, but I just wanted to say that Nathan and I finally were reunited with the rest of our amazing wedding cake. A great family gathering is taking place and my mom and dad just flew in tonight with my mom carrying the bottom layer of our wedding cake (which weighed about 15 pounds) as her carry-on item all the way to grandma's.

Oh, and Mr. and Mrs. Lobbie were married May of 2007. The cake has been in the freezer since...

It was AWESOME! That's what you get when everything including the fondant is home-made. It also helps to have 25 relatives around to eat it. However, I'm not supposed to have white sugar and I'm...not...feeling...the greatest. I'll get back to the blogging world in a few days when I've recovered and interacted with people. I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

The Miracle of Pizza and Tiny Plastic Things

So as I started writing this, I came to the realization that the humans I have interacted the most with in the past few weeks are all under 11 years old. And, as I'm sure so many of you know, we really do learn things from children that we seem to forget in our older years. I thought I'd share some jewels with you.

Don't throw your toys in the basketball hoop. How many of us, in the rush of our day-to-day lives, keep throwing stuffed animals in that spare basketball hoop as we head off to work or school, regardless of the consequences? One day we may actually want them back, but they're trapped in a hopeless net of...net until someone taller than us can get them out, and I hate being dependent on tall people.

Small, brightly-colored pieces of plastic should entertain you for hours. This lesson was learned from my dear Sunbeams. At the end of the lesson, did they want to draw pictures, run outside, or sing? No! I had given them some giant, plastic jax from our lesson and what can you do with those? EVERYTHING! You can pretend they're you're eyes, you can hide them in your blanket, you can spin them on the ground or make them attack your friends! They are so fun you'll have to put them away during class because they just ooze excitement! So really, if you have any kind of colored plastic in your home, you have no excuse to be bored.

Everything is better if you shout it. It doesn't matter what you're going to say, if you shout it, it's automatically better and funnier! Also, this is a great way to impress your peers. Remember that at your next board meeting.

Someone who can scream and chase me=friend. I used to think it was a bad thing when people I didn't know ran at me screaming. What a stuffy fool I was! Kids make friends this way! What kind of friend wouldn't run after you yelling all sorts of things? Think about it next time that homeless man attacks you-he probably just wants to play.

Eating Godfather's pizza is the most exciting event EVER (AKA Pizza Party) OK, so pizza is always somewhat exciting, but if you actually call it a pizza party......woah, I had to stop the rush of excitement that just came from writing that...then the pizza and whatever you drink tastes 50X better! And it's always best to get the most pizza, not the best pizza, so everyone can have LOTS of it! Then the fun factor is upped so high, that just sitting there is 300% more fun than chasing friends or throwing toys into basketball hoops-though these things usually follow a pizza party. Remember that for your next board meeting.


Well I hope you've been as touched as I have. I thought I'd share one more think with you that I found as I was web-searching. It looks like a literary masterpiece meant to expand the mind of kids everywhere.

When You're Dead Your Vote Doesn't Count

I'm sure you're all thinking I'm going to make some reference to ACORN or reveal that I have the plague, but really I just wanted to say that according to all extreme postitions on both sides (because we know those are the most accurate), I will die or have a horrible life no matter who becomes president.

One candidate is obviously a closet-Muslim-terrorist who will support Al-Queda after he socializes us so he can spread the carnage around equally.
The other will of course die of old age and insanity tomorrow and leave us with a brainless Barbie doll who will deny the existence of dinosaurs and have a big ol' book-burning BAR-BQ in her backyard so she can keep an eye on Russia for when she starts World War III.

Obviously we're all gonna die either way, so really, does my vote count?

PS
I did vote today and was very happy about it. I just hate the extremes people go to to smear the other candidate-both of whom I respect.

Because I'm too lazy to write

Little did you know that before Destiny's Child became famous for being beautiful women with amazing vocals, tight dance moves and skanky clothing, they lived in northern England as musicians who played on the street for coins. There were far more in the group then, but you know how it goes-the less-marketable ones are kicked out. Oh, and they were cats.

See here.

Evil, Wicked Bugs

I'm scared. I know every apartment has its share of insects and such, but lately the bugs have been weird! Last week there was one on the floor that was flat-bodied and had lots of legs that looked a little like those old-school automatic car-wash drapes that would cover your car. It also had some scary-looking tentacles and was a pale color. And it was fast. Fast, weird bugs terrify me. Snakes, no. Bugs, yes.

Then today there was a depressed fly and a demon-bug from Hell. As I was reading everyone's sex secrets on Kristina's blog, a fly fell on me. It didn't buzz around manically as flies do, or even seem to care when I shooed it off. It lazily took a spot on the chair and just waited. I swear it wanted me to kill it. It didn't flinch when I waved my hands around it. I think the fly was depressed that the food selection in our house is mostly in wrapper-form and thought its life was not worth living. I was almost somber as I grabbed some toilet paper to smash it in.

But the worst was tonight. I had to run to the bathroom and I noticed a bug in the corner. I thought it was an earwig or centipede (both gross!) But as I pushed it out of the corner with some TP, it revealed itself to be THE DEMON-BUG FROM THE 9TH CIRCLE OF HELL!
Wait...then it would be an ice-bug. I think it was more like an inner-ring of the 7th circle bug.


But anyway, this thing was like a cross between an earwig, a cockroach, and a centipede with a crab-like pincher on its tail-end. IT WAS EEEEEEEVIL! So I tried to smash it with a wad of TP, (since if I touched it, it would trap me in a vortex of evil with 1,000s of its brothers and sisters) but it was in a corner, so very hard to do. I pushed as hard as I could and hopefully I killed it. There's still a wad of bunched-up toilet paper against the wall. I'm afraid to go in there. It might brush against my foot and give me Eboli.


PS
After looking some things up, Google would have me believe that I only had an earwig in my bathroom, but I know a DEMON-BUG FROM THE INNER-RING OF THE 7TH-CIRCLE OF HELL when I see one.

I am Full of Snot, but I've Still Got Jane Austen

That's not a euphemism or anything, I literally am full of snot. I've been sick for awhile now (my immune system isn't the greatest) and it really sucks. However, I've had Jane Austen movies and a free trial of WoW to keep me company (don't laugh, my Night-Elf Rogue would kick your trash.)

What's really funny to me though, is that when I watch a lot of Jane Austen, I start wanting to talk like an upper/middle-class 17th-century English lady. Like it slips out when I'm not even trying. I mean it just sounds so pretty. However, if I started telling people their remarks were impertinent or they were setting propriety at naught, I think it more likely they would increase the behavior which had caused the offense instead of properly and resolutely ending it as decorum dictates.

Furthermore, I wish to state that Jane Austen films are far sexier than anything we do nowadays. A favorite acting teacher of mine told us that our society has lost the sense for touch, and I have to agree. Who can have sexual tension when everyone's clothes are off 30 minutes into the movie? But when I watch Pride and Prejudice, I get such a thrill out of a look or touch of the hand. Those small things become infused with meaning and....they make me want my husband home very quickly.

Seriously guys, if you want to get lucky throw some Jane Austen in the DVD Player. Or just come home dressed as Mr. Darcy, you know, if you're into that sort of thing.

PS
I just had to

The Exciting Lives of Scientists

Long story, but I found an article about a natural science museum in London. Here's to science with a sense of humor:

There is a genus of clam called Abra. So inevitably, in 1957, when they identified a new species within that genus, two scientists proposed the name cadabra. A few years later, scientists decided that "Abra cadabra" more correctly belonged to the genus Theora, and, says Fortey sadly, "there is nothing very entertaining about Theora cadabra"

I'm with you Fortey. Screw correct classification-I wanna laugh at my mollusks!

Quentin Wheeler, keeper of entomology, and a colleague named a series of slime-mould consuming beetles after the US administration: Agathidium bushi, A rumsfeldi, and A cheyneyi. He also named one after Darth Vader. One day he received a phone call that began "This is the president of the United States." He was about to answer "Oh yes? Well this is Darth Vader . . ." when he realised it actually was the president of the United States, who claimed to feel honoured to be immortalised in beetle nomenclature.

Err....call Bush "scum" and he'll probably get mad. Call him a "scum-sucking beetle" and he'll personally call and thank you.

Ummm...

The only purpose of this entry is to say I'll write a real one in a few hours after I get back from work. Why I'm putting this up for only a few hours is beyond me, but I blame Kristina for making me feel bad about not posting, so now I feel I owe the blogging world (her) an explanation.

Cheers.

Paris, Je T'aime

I seem to recall an entry that prophesied of future entries. Behold, on this day shall the prophecy be fulfilled as I tell the story of...

THE INFAMOUS PARIS ROMANCE!!!!

So long ago (the summer of '06), I was on my way to study abroad in Namibia, Africa. Namibia is a significant country because, as we all know, Angelina and Brad had baby Shilo there that same year. I went for the much less interesting anthropological things there. I mean live with natives for a month, kill snakes, see elephants? Pales in comparison to having a chance to actually see a real celebrity baby! I mean how many times do any of us have a chance to see that anywhere?

I digress...Paris plays a part in all this because my dad was able to find a flight that allowed me to meet my parents in Paris (my dad was going to take my mom to Italy right after for their 25th anniversary, so we were all there) and then fly to Africa.

So the first day that I'm not jet-lagged, I go run around Paris just looking at things, eating things and exploring the city. It's marvelous fun. I stop next to the river Seine to read my map. Apparently this signals "tourist" since not a minute later a Frenchman comes up to me and asks if he can look at my map too. However, I notice that he didn't seem interested in finding anything (at least on the map) as he quickly starts making conversation with me. Let's fast forward to two hours later when we're sitting in a cafe talking. Think American films that take place in Paris are full of stupid stereo-types...?

Ummm...they...really....aren't. Let me give you some highlites of our conversation: (Note that this must be done in a THICK Parisian accent)

"Ah, Laurel, your smile, it is so beautiful. I am not a painter, but you will make me one."

"Bravo, bravo Laurel to your parents for making you. I should send them a bottle of wine."

"I would send my heart to you across the ocean, but I cannot; I only have one."

"Ah, Laurel, your laughter! I must remember it. I am not a writer, but you will make me one."

I literally have a page of these written down because they were just so....French. Did they work on me? Well, if you hadn't kissed anyone for over two years because you were serving a mission most of that time, and a cliche Paris romance knocks at your door, what would you do?

Exactly. Kissing on top of the Eiffel Tower was awesome.

I Done Got Tagged!

I can't believe it, it's like a true initiation into the blogging world, but I finally got tagged. Here we go.....

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you. (Tiff)
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

RANDOM #1: I have always wanted to be ninja and/or Catwoman. And of course my body would magically transform to fit the suit perfectly too.

RANDOM #2: I'm a complete nerd. I was even going to write a post about it-with the awesomely clever title "My Nerdy Little Secret." Evidence of my nerdiness includes (but is not limited to):
A. I love Star Trek. Well, OK, I'm really a Next Generation fan, but the other series all have their moments.
B. I grew up on NPR and didn't discover pop music until 7th grade. I was more familiar with Garrison Keillor than...well who was popular in '94?
C. I have the comic book where Dazzler first appears in the X-men. I also used to collect Marvel trading cards.
D. Conversations at lunch and dinner during my freshman semester usually revolved around deep religious truths or Platonist vs. Aristotelian ideals in the modern world. I was in an honors ward, among my own kind. :)

RANDOM #3: I could have added more to #2, but it was getting long, and I was getting wary of revealing too much of my un-cool side since I am definitely viewed as one of the cool people at BYU, and I have a reputation to protect there.

RANDOM #4: Ha! I got out east of #3, so now #4....Hmmm, this may be boring but I looove make-up. You know how some girls love shoes? Not me (although I appreciate their contributions.) I love make-up. Having never been blessed with great visual artistic talents in drawing or painting, it's the closest I come to it. Since discovering ELF cosmetics, I've had the chance to buy lots of make-up I never, but MIGHT, use.

RANDOM #5: I love video games. Maybe this belongs under #2, but with my guy friends it was an opportunity to bond, and usually guys I've dated found this nerdy quality attractive. I didn't get bored if my friends/boyfriend wanted to play video games-intead I kicked their butt! (Side-note: I had awesome roommates before I was married who also shared my love of video games. We had an X-Box, PS2 and a Wii before I left.)

RANDOM #6: My husband has a ring-tone that plays the whole Harry Potter theme. Think I'm kidding? It started like 2 minutes ago and it's still playing.

And now I TAG:

1. Ryan
2. Taylor
3. Joel
4. Kristina
5. Mary
6. Julie

I'll get back to my regular posting soon

NYC is a shameless flirt

So for all (one) of you who have commented on my lack of posts, I will explain: I'm in NYC. I'm on my friend's computer (it's weird) and she also uses Internet Explorer which I don't like (Yeah Firefox!), so I won't be linking my usual randomness. However, I WILL tell you all about the shameless flirt that is New York City.

So first off, I'm here to audition for two things that aren't even in NY, but are having their auditions here and I'm also seeing a host of friends out here who are much more sucessful and/or daring than I. This city is a place I always imagined myself living, and the two or three times I have visited over the years left me with a deep longing and conviction that I was destined to live in Manhattan like an actor is destined to wait tables. But coming here now that I'm a little older and more married, I was like "meh, it's a big city with more arts, more theater, and more pretenciousness." But New York wouldn't have it. Let me tell you the ways New York City has teased me:

-The weather here has been insanely perfect. It's not August in this city right now. I think they jumped to early October/late September.
-I have heard horror stories about the rats, mice, and cockroaches in this city-yet have I seen a single one? Not even in the tracks of the subway!
-It's pretty laid-back right now (for the city.) Most New Yorkers are getting in their vacation time right before the fall so lots of places aren't as crowded.
-One of my friends is letting me stay at her place while she is off with her family to see the Olympics (in China.) She lives in a nice studio apartment right next to Central Park on the Upper West Side. The neighborhood is a beautiful one with lots of cute familes taking walks down tree-lined streets.
-There are tons of natural food stores and restuarants that aren't ridiculously over-priced. I mean, everything is overpriced to a point in NY, but at home, the natural food choices are way more expensive in relation to other food choices-but here they're only slightly more expensive and sometimes even cheaper! (Note: For those who don't know, I have to stay on a pretty strict diet, so this is a very good thing)
-I was going to take a class at THE Broadway Dance Center, but a friend of mine recommended New Dance Group instead and boy, am I glad! No dance-diva teachers, no overcrowded classes with overcrowded egos and actual individual attention! It felt so good to dance again and not feel intimidated by all the "big-city dancer" stuff.
-This is the biggest shocker: I haven't met any mean New Yorkers. In fact, I've had some great experiences with the people here. A few days ago I was lost on the Subway (got on a train going the wrong direction) and one of the Subway musicians yells over to me (in a true NY accent) "Hey, sweetheart are you lost? Do you need to find the Upper West Side?" Then proceeded to tell me exactly what train I needed to take and where.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

Obviously New York is shamelessly flirting with me..."Seee? (bats eyelashes) there are no rats here! And everyone is always soooo nice and helpful-see how all the neighborhoods are safe and beautiful with consistently perfect weather? I'm suuure you'll be able to afford to live here where things don't get too crowded and you can always eat healthy!"

Well, as long as NY is going to pander to me, I may as well enjoy it. I did get my bag of questionable character in Chinatown for $35 (though I'm still mad that I probably could have talked him down to 30.) It says it's a Coach bag. Let's not judge lest we be judged also-and bags can be very judgemental.

Well, I'll head home Tusday night after being torridly wooed by the seductive New York City. Will it work? Maybe, but I imagine that once I leave, all the rats get some signal that it's OK to come out again.

Light in the Piazza

So I went to an audition again, mostly just to get back into the habit of it, and went out to SLC for a musical at the Pioneer Theater Company. I didn't know how it would go since I'm just getting back into the audition thing, and they don't exactly have a lovey-dovey rapport with BYU students. That's not to say that there's actual enmity, but things have never been congenial. But walking into that theater was wonderful. It was a real theater. Like the kind you find in Minnesota.

But anyway, if the picture and title of this post mean nothing to you-the musical is The Light in the Piazza and it takes place in Florence. Mystery solved. Oh, and I got a call-back. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I was seriously so happy leaving I wanted to cry because it was just reassuring to know that I can still do a good job at an audition after being sick for sooooo long. It wasn't until I got home that I thought about how I didn't know the story or the music and my call-back was in 16 hours.
Luckily I found a synopsis so the sides they gave me to read will make sense. It's a beautiful bittersweet story and one I would love to be a part of, but hey! I'm just sooo happy I made it to call-backs that I'll be singing romantically to myself all week.

I am just grateful for moments of grace like these.

Best Interview Ever

Just a quick word of advice.

When you're interviewing for a children's story-teller position at the Public Library, and you're doing your sock-puppet routine, make sure you plan out your act in a little more detail so you don't accidentally say the following:

Sock Puppet Princess: But Daddy! I want a pig! Did you know they don't even sweat! That's more than you can say for your courtesans-NO! I meant COURT! Court!

Why We Don't Run Blenders With the Lid Off

OK, in my defense, I didn't intentionally do this-I was trying to lift the blender out of the base and leaned on the temporary "blend" button....and....oh the carnage....

Looks like something from a horror film huh?

The Hello Kitty Toaster makes it a little less menacing here...or is it more?



We threw the shirt away, though I probably should have sold it to a modern art museum.

There was a pic of me holding a butcher's knife like I just got stabbed, but it was a little less flattering (if you can believe it) than the last one. But I think you get the idea.

Oh, and when I made toast after this it it smelled like grape juice.

Happy, Cheap Things

So I am a lover of good deals and get a thrill out of finding something awesome that's way cheap. I seriously will sound like a door-to-door salesman when I find a great product for cheap, because I want everyone to be able to enjoy it. So, I thought it would just be much easier if I listed some of my favorite things so everyone here can enjoy them! YEAH!!

1. ELF Cosmetics: I could go on forever about this company! Everything here is $1 with the exception of the mineral make-up, which is $3-5 per product. There are on-line reviews for all the products so you can see what others think of them too. Most of my make-up now comes from them. OH! And I know an awesome coupon code! When you order, type in "Carolina" in the coupon area and you'll get half-off up to $15! Crazy, huh?

2. Expression Dance Center So I was looking for dance classes around the area, and this is by far the best deal I have found yet. Adult dance classes are $5 each if you buy a 10-class card (for $50.) They have hip-hop, ballet, jazz, modern, and a ballroom date-night for couples.

3. Free food! Finally one the men can enjoy too! Basically the hubby and I decided to try and get as much free food for our birthday as we could by signing up for as many different restaurants' Emailing lists as possible. The following will give you a free meal (or entree) the month of your birthday:
Tucanos
Red Robin
Noodles (they will also give you a free bowl right away just for signing up!)

A lot of other restaurants will give you discounts, buy one-get-one deals or free appetizer/dessert things. Some of those include Happy Sumo, Village Inn, and Fazoli's.

4. ME! What's this? How can I be cheap? Well, let me tell you that just 6 days after reading this, ironically enough, I am indeed doing a week-long, unpaid internship for an entertainment company. A network needed some interns to cast for a reality TV-show that they're having auditions for in Salt Lake. I know some of you may be thinking "is it worth it to drive up to SLC every day?" Well obviously you don't know what kind of show this is and the good it will do. I will be helping an ailing rock star find true love! We will be seeking out potential soul-mates who are interested in a relationship based on respect and understanding! The fact that there happen to be cameras everywhere has NOTHING to do with it! Sometimes a price must be paid to find your one-and-only!

So there are my closing thoughts for the week. I have some awesome future posts coming up that include such subjects as:
-Running a blender full of grape juice with the lid off is BAD (pics included)
-My infamous Paris romance
-How to keep the attention of 3-year olds (AKA Sunbeams)
and
-The inverse relationship in Mormon "films" between a woman's virtue and her bra size.

The Dark Knight....?

OK I'm totally gonna get lambasted for this one.

I wanted to like The Dark Knight. Wait, that's not true-I wanted to love the The Dark Knight. I wanted it to wash over me like a hungry lover and leave me ravished in the wake of its awesomeness, and I'm not removing the metaphor, because like I said, I really wanted to love this film.


So today was the hubby's birthday, and that marks a significant event-one month until mine. I had a great day planned for him that was going to be a surprise, but OOPS, "someone" left the computer open to the websites that showed orders for both a massage and tickets to The Dark Knight. The element of surprise gone, at least we could talk about when he should come home from work.

Soooooooooooooooooo on to the topic of this post: I didn't like it.





















That was to pause for the shock and horror most of you feel right now. I have to say that I agree with my mom on this one-it was too disturbing and violent for me to enjoy. Was the disturbance and violence well-done and believable? Oh yes. So much in fact, that it prevented me from enjoying anything else. I left the theater with a disturbed feeling in addition to a headache that must be from all the adrenaline that finally settled down.

The thing is, I felt like they spent so much time on the disturbing and violent elements that anything else was uber-short, possibly boring, and/or just poorly written. Anytime a civilian spoke you thought "no wonder Gotham's in such trouble-everyone here is an idiot who speaks bad dialogue!" It actually made you excited for the next explosion/chase scene so you wouldn't have to listen to them anymore.

Of course Ledger was amazing, but it made me all the more disturbed knowing that this was his last complete performance. As an actor, as much as you know it's not real, you still carry the spirit of what you're doing with you. Not that I think that means actors should only play happy roles, but it's just unfortunate that Ledger ended on this one.

Anyway, though I didn't like this movie, I certainly didn't hate it. The actors are amazing and the eighty-three fight/chase scenes are adrenaline-inducing. I think it was a tad long and plot-squished at the end, but Christian Bale is quite delicious on-screen and Aaron Eckhart and I had the same acting teacher at BYU. Go Cougars!

TERROR

Wow. I'm feelin it....terror.....

So I went to auditions for AIDA at the Hale last night. I will be unable to play the title role of Aida because apparently being black on the inside doesn't count. Additionally the only white-girl part is for a rock-belter which is not my strongest suite. HA! Strongest suite! Get it Aida fans?

However, they did call me back for dancer/chorus. Now in some shows chorus sucks. Man of La Moncha comes to mind; but Aida would be way fun because there's lots of dancing for the womens, and fun costumes, etc. whether you're an Egyptian, or a Caucasian Nubian that looks ethnic since there's a shortage on real ethnic in the Valley.

But here's where the terror comes in...the dancing. Don't get me wrong, I love to dance, but the thing is I've had mono, gone on a mission and had chronic fatigue for so long that I haven't been able to really dance (except with Dana in a few Divine Comedy skits) in about 5 years. 5 YEARS! People have plural childs in that amount of time!

So my fear comes from not only these scary children watching what I type, but that I used to be really good-well, not like I could audition for SYTYCD, but I worked a ton to be at least competent in an audition. Going to this audition and seeing how much I've lost is what really terrifies me. To think I worked for nothing. I almost never turn away from a challenge (even if just to say that I didn't), but I really don't know if I can handle this one.

Basically, I love performing, but having my inability to do so reaffirmed in front of others might be more that I can handle because I love it so much. Right now, writing this is the only thing between me and a flood of saltwatery emotion. I hate to say it, but I might give up on this one and not go because I know if my fears are confirmed, which is 99% likely since I won't just re-gain my skills in like 20 minutes, I might lose it then and there without a blog to hide behind. But wait! Of course!! I can go and just bring my laptop along!!! That's not weird at all!!!!

Well, obviously problem solved. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some mascara to run.

While we're on the subject of Japan....

All I have to say is this.


Ummm....yeah

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and the Japanese Mafia

So I was listening to Zoot Suit Riot today, and thinking of the only swing concert I have ever been to, which was when I was living/working in Japan. ....

For those who don't know, I worked in Osaka at Universal Studios Japan for one year in 2001. There were several other BYU students who were also hired that year-all of us in various shows. I sang in a 50's quartet and wore a giant poodle skirt. It was really hot in the summer...shudder.
So anyway, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy was playing in Osaka, and the small group of us Mormons went to go see them play. The concert was fun, and afterwards we waited for them to come out so my friend Tiff could get their autographs on her CD (she was a huge fan.) A few of them came out to greet the faithful, and when we talked to them, they were all excited-"Hey! You're the white people!" -one astutely pointed out. Side note: Don't ask me why, but in Japan, Americans still refer to themselves as "white people," even though the Japanese are far whiter physically and culturally. Also, he may have said "gaijin," but in my head he said "white people." So anyway, seeing that both groups rejoiced at meeting fellow Americans, the band invited us to go eat with them at a restaurant later that night.

Well, we were sooooo excited to be hanging out with sort-of celebrities. It's probably the closest I'll ever get to a famous person, with the exception of Jared Hess, as noted earlier. So, we get there, and the place is really trendy, but it was almost empty. The restaurant was like a wide tower, and took up 3 or 4 narrow floors. Voodoo Daddy was on the 2nd or 3rd floor at this huge table that could seat like 25 people in it's own separate room. "COOL," I thought, "we get to sit all exclusive!" We started to walk in, but suddenly from another entrance come like 20 Japanese people dressed in zoot suits and other 40's garb. They all file in and sit down at the table. The look from Voodoo Daddy was "Uh...we don't know who these people are, sorry!" We decided to eat downstairs at the bar.

For as demoted as we were, several of the band members would try to get away from the strange party upstairs to come down and talk to us. They had to take turns doing this so as not to look rude in front of their very enthusiastically-dressed guests. After exchanging greetings, one of the guys said something like, "Sorry about that. Apparently that's the Japanese mafia."

The reason for the almost-empty restaurant became clear to me.

Additionally, I realized that if I were a gangster, I'd probably be actively seeking opportunities to wear a throwback-zoot suit. They probably have a special calender marking anytime a swing or jazz band comes into town. Then their people follow them to whatever restaurant they go so the Yakuza can show up and show off their enviable regalia. I hope that's why Japan has such a low crime rate. Think of how much safer America would be if that's what our gangs did on the weekend.

A Man's Heart is Through His Stomach

I had some left-over fry sauce from Sammy's (excellent local joint), and decided to use that in an egg-salad sandwich. I mean there's mayonnaise in fry-sauce too, right? My husband was a little wary at first, but decided to eat it since there was nothing else to eat anyway. He didn't complain. I was satisfied I had succeeded at a decent sandwich. Then he said in complete sincerity:

Hubby: Oh Pookum, I'm love you.

The Pookum (me): Oh thanks. Why?

Hubby: I'm just so proud of you. You took a risk.

The Pookum: (trying to think of what I had done this week) Really?

Hubby: Yah, you took a risk and made a great sandwich.

So if you want to make your man proud, go out on a limb. Make a sandwich.

MUSIC!

OK everyone, this may sound like an advertisement but I just had to let everyone know of my great joy in a simple pleasure. This is the music that you now see on the right-hand side of my blog. I am so excited about it. I actually first saw it on a dear friend's blog and thought "I must have this!"

Basically you can create your own playlist of any music they can find in their database that is linked to other sites. You can't download it, but can listen whenever on-line. I'm sure half of you already knew about this eons ago, and are laughing at my ineptness. Well...FINE, I don't care. I would like to point out some of my favorite discoveries currently on my list:

1. En Vouge: If you never discovered this group in your middle-school years, (or later if you're a young whipper-snapper) I highly recommend adding a few of their songs to your playlist. I currently have my favorite "Never Gonna Get It," and need to add the classic "Free Your Mind." Lots of sass and tight harmonies. They truly are funky divas.

2. Mozart: Specifically speaking, the Queen of the Night's aria from The Magic Flute. It's like listening to vocal acrobatics and it's soooo purdy! It also brings back memories of 2nd grade when I'd make my friends listen to it with me when they'd come over. Early signs that I was a nerdy intellectual were already emerging.

3. Eva Cassidy: Amazing blues/folkish/jazz singer. If you like any of those genres, you'll LOVE her. I especially love her renditions of "Blues in the Night," "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," and "Fields of Gold" in addition to about every other song she's ever done. AMAZING voice.

4. MC Solaar: French rap artist.Seriously, hearing someone rap in French, and rap well in French is incredible. I don't know much about him except that he's highly respected as an artist in France for his amazing handle on the language. Also, he's not a frog, though he is French.





Well those are the highlights so far. So go ahead, create your own playlist! Go wild!!

A day in the life of Gentlemen Broncos

So, for the last 2 weeks my husband has been working on the set of Gentlemen Broncos and invited me to come visit him one of the last days of filming. So, I decided to visit Studio 5 that night to see what could be seen and meet who could be met.

As I approached the rear of the studio, I saw a deer (stuffed) go by with rockets attached to its side and loaded into a truck. Once inside the studio (I made sure the red light was off when I entered), an actor wearing a beard that Moses would envy, was being held above the ground by a rope attached to a crane. Most of the almost 40-foot high studio was covered in green-screen. I realized how much I had underestimated the color green when I felt like I was being swallowed by it. Turning away from the plethora of bright green before me, I saw another deer, but this poor fellow had only his front half and his eyes had been replaced with little telescopes. It was a little eerie.

Finding that the deer had little to say, I found my husband-who said they were just setting up for the next shot, so it was great timing. One of the crew came up to us, and I thought "This guy sort of looks like a lost character form Napolean Dynamite." This is how the conversation ensued:

Man: Hey Nathan, is this your wife?

Hubby: Yah, this is Laurel. Laurel this is Jared.

Me: Hey! Nice to meet you (Jared....I know there's a Jared working on this film...but it's not-)

Man who is Jared Hess: Did she get a hamburger?

Hubby: Oh, she can't actually eat them so-

Jared Hess: Oh, well I ate yours then.

Me: Ha! (OK, show off how witty and charming you are) yah...well....at least it didn't go to waste! Ha, ha!

Jared: Yah, well nice to meet you.

Hubby: Wow, that was really nice, you don't always get to meet the director.

Me: Wait-that was Jared Hess? (Damn, I'm clever!)

Following that monumental conversation, my husband introduced me to the crew. Several of them seemed surprised.

Hubby: Yah, I like bringing you on set so people know I'm old enough to be married.

I then watched them film the actor being held a few feet above the green ground with his beard blowing in the fan-wind. He wasn't actually doing anything except hanging kind of limply and occasionally saying "oh yah." in an odd, relaxed sort of way. Logically, my first thought was-
"If all of civilization was destroyed and they could only find the film footage from this take-a man hanging in the wind surrounded by green-what would they think of us?"

Seriously though, what do you think it would be interpreted as?

No internet....

For all 5 of you who read this, I just wanted to say that I have not been posting of late due to a lack of internet connection at our new apartment. But fear not! I am amassing oodles of wisdom (which is the standard unit of measurement for wisdom if you didn't know) and will impart useless, but interesting, meanderings soon enough-after we and our allies (next door neighbors) actually call Comcast to set up internet. YEAH!!

If genies were still around, we'd have conference talks advising against them

You're supposed to have great ideas come to you in the shower. Here's mine from tonight...

I won't go through my entire train of thought (it would be long and bizarre), but I was thinking about if I had a genie and 3 wishes, what would I wish for? A few things came to mind: money (or at least financial security), health, and super-human powers. But then I realized that if a genie made me wealthy I probably wouldn't be able to pay tithing on it since I didn't really do anything myself to earn it, and I don't think I could justify the genie as an investment.

As for the health, I think being disabled by chronic fatigue has really humbled and made me happier for the things I can still do. If the genie by-passed that I would probably be superficial and catty with 10 pairs of uggs in my closet and really, really, bad blond extensions.

The super-powers would just be cool, but really, this isn't a cosmic-genie, more like a household one.

Speaking of household genies, (which is what I decided they were since this is my mind) there-in lies the problem. They aren't super-power genies that can conquer nations, but rather can only help individuals in their personal ambitions that don't directly affect the agency of others. So of course good members of the church get a hold of one and think 'hey, this is a fast fix to the top!' only to find out that they don't know anything once they get there because they skipped the whole journey thing....

This would lead to general conference talks addressing the fact that none of us can find a quick-fix to success and we should avoid such pitfalls. A few years later, a general authority would specifically mention that we should avoid genies, witches and sprites and there would be much debate on if this is actual doctrine or up to the individual since only witches are mentioned in the scriptures specifically. A few years later the church would publish in the Bishop's handbook the need to council members away from any non-human creatures found in Fairy Tales, the Arabian Nights or folk-lore. Soon after this you'll have a flood of Ensign stories about women who promised their first-born children to trolls or other creatures in return for eternal beauty or losing their pregnancy weight, only to realize that it wasn't such a good trade after all. The only way to break their hold is to find a funny name in the scriptures and say it to them.

After all the Disney movies and bed-time stories you think we'd learn, but we're just so stubborn....

The problem with "Cool Corruption"

So a quick thought from the recent Vegas trip:
While standing at the Bellagio fountains to film a little parody for Divine Comedy, I thought about the film Ocean's 11. I mean it's cool that such nice, attractive guys like Brad Pitt, George Clooney and that cute Cockney guy swiped millions of dollars from the mean, unattractive casino owner, right? He stole George's wife, hires goons to beat people up, and puts enough oil in his hair to supply a fast-food chain, so we know he's awful. But the problem is, the movie never shows the after-math of this ingenious heist. I mean, sure these 11 peeps (well 12) got millions, but what about all the employees of the casino? The Casino's investors and investments and all the people they employ? Can you imagine how many lay-offs resulted from this theft?

The problem is, George and Brad are just so dang cute and charming that they probably could have robbed a safe full of babies and we would have cheered, though mostly because babies don't keep well in safes. However, my point is that the movie paints the corrupt heroes in such a positive light and the bad-guy in such a negative, dark light (but not a black light-that would make people associate him with coolness and the Blue Man Group) that anything they did was rooted-for by us. So this question I pose to my dear friends... If you could pick the title and subject for another totally different Ocean's installment, what would it be?

UT is addicted to 80's music

I'm sure I'm not the first to notice that BYU and UT Valley as a whole seems to have this nostalgia for the past-be it in hairstyles or building designs. In general I can enjoy hair inspired by late 70's beauty-queens, or buildings that must have been cutting-edge in 1965. However, the one thing I can't stand is the radio stations that seem to long for the 80's. When I'm in the car and feel like listening to the FM, this is what has often happens:

Hit 1-"Now you have a friend in the diamond.." Ugg.
Hit 2- Crappy techno song with an 80's-inspired beat. Blech
Hit 3- Random 80's song that was never popular but for some reason is playing. Why?
Hit 4-"University of Phoenix offers..." You send me enough spam, now you have to assault my radio waves?
Hit 5-An early 90's song that can't let go of it's 80's roots. One more station....
Hit 6- A current song that's being "retro" by sampling 80's beats/lyrics/re-doing the entire song. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Oh, and just to clarify, I don't have a problem with 80's music in general, it's just that I never hear any good 80's or 80's-sounding music on the radio. But I'm sure it's just all part of bringing back the "good old days" where we can remember a simpler time before we had heard of the "ozone layer," "video-games" or "outsourcing to 3rd-world countries." Aaaaaaaaahhh....I need to go watch the Breakfast Club.

Hip-Hop dancing makes you whiter

So this is my random thought:
Have you ever noticed that if you have little to no experience in hip-hop, then taking a class in said style actually makes you feel whiter? I seriously love hip-hop dance as well as break-dancing, step and anything related, so whenever I could take a hip-hop class (before I got too sick to do so) I jumped at the opportunity to let my bad self loose...But when my bad self (who is really a black woman much cooler than me) realizes she's stuck in a butt-less body trained in ballet and modern, she just laughs at me and leaves me to pop and lock alone with no attitude. I try and get her back with my ferocious dance faces or pretend I'm too cool to care, but it never seems to work and I'm left contemplating why Scandinavians never had the sense to develop body rhythm in their culture but instead spent their time burying fish in lye. It's one of the great mysteries my friends, but perhaps it means I have an inherent sense for lutefisk. One can only hope can't they?

First entry

So I really can't believe this-I'm finally getting a blog. I've never wanted one before-I felt like they were too emotionally indulgent. I mean sure, anyone feels like they can say anything over cyberspace and can cry an electronic river, but I never wanted that to be an excuse to avoid talking about important things in real life. Or feeling like because I'm in cyberspace no one will hurt me and I can be a little too open about my feelings and life. Everyone's more open when they're writing to an unknown crowd. Maybe that can be a good thing, though.

Well, there have been times when I had random thoughts that I thought would be perfect for a blog. Some are funny and some are serious and some are so deep you'll be like "wow, I'm 25% more enlightened than I was 5 minutes ago." I promise-a whole 25%! But it's an internet promise so if it doesn't work my Email will disappear before you can find me. Mwhahahahahaha

Well, that's all for now.
Peace